I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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