just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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