Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
