someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
