Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
