We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
