shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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