It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
