you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
