I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
