every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
