This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
