When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
