I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
