The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
