yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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