I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
