I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
