do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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