between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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