just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
