I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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