there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
