If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You can't special order awesome
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
