He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
