she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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