I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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