Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
