Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
