do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
