Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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