Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
