The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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