she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
