Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
