Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
