I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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