i can't believe i had my finger in that
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
my shit smells like andre
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We had sex on a dog bed..
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
