It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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