i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
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