Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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