you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
