ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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