right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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