A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
worst night to have a conscience
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
