Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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