saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
