She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
