brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
