apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize