i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
