someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
