I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
