He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
