dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
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