youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
