Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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