Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
