3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
