My friends, they love my intelligence
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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