Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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