My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
