He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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