We're facebook friends in real life
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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