I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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