Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
