so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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