I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
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