my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
