at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
