If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
