apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
