i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
