ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
