you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
