I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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