just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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