My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize