i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
