2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
