Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
