I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
