I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
