so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
