a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
