Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
i think im in europe. pls send help
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize