I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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