Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
