Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
