All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
two words...techno handjob
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
