Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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