Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
