you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
