Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize