Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
