This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She's the barista slut.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
