Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
