You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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