If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
