you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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