I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
