The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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